Wednesday, October 8, 2008

When is a Widower Really Ready to Date?

I've been writing to a guy on Perfect Match who was not actually listed as such a "perfect" match by PM...........but I figure it is good to get to know him anyway, since there are not that many who are sincerely interested.

After about 3-4 email exchanges back and forth I noticed that he talked a lot about "we" meaning he and his former wife.

"We" have this and "we" do that........and it occurred to me that he has likely not fully grieved his loss.

His wife died two years ago......and he has just started to date.........and is looking to meet LOTS of women.

So we exchanged a few more emails, and the more we wrote the clearer it became that he truly is NOT at the same dating stage that I am at.

So, I was very honest with him and told him I thought it was very good that he was getting started, but from my own experiences I felt he would want to meet many people to get a feel for what sort of person he wanted. I told him I had been through that stage years ago.......and because of our very different places on the dating scene.......I wished him well.........and he hasn't written back.

He really felt he was ready to be dating, but also said he thought about his former wife almost all the time.

I’ve had this experience a couple of times before, dating guys who had lost their wives........and the guy sees nothing wrong with including his wife a LOT in the conversations..........what she would have liked etc.......
and it makes me feel like an intruder into their life.

Should I have given him more of a chance?
How can I best tell when a guy really IS ready and available to date?
Are there any special rules or guidelines for dating widowers?
How long DOES it usually take for a man to move on.......and let go of so many of the memories, and make room in his life for someone new?


No comments: