Thursday, October 23, 2008

Emotional Availability: The MOST Important Factor


These are all great questions.

And let me tell you, you’ve hit the nail on the head!

Is it important to find a guy who is emotionally available?


It’s by far the most important factor when picking a mate.

Have you ever heard a woman complain: “Man, my husband is just so emotionally available. He’s so open and supportive, warm and thoughtful. I can’t stand it!”

Ummm, no.

But therapists get rich (ok, maybe not rich) by seeing scores of couples where the woman complains that her guy is always in his man cave, unavailable to talk, to be close, to touch.

So, emotional availability is one of the first factors you need to assess.

To answer your question, it’s normal to take a while for people to warm up in a new dating relationships. I’d give it 1-2 months to get a better read on someone’s true availability.

If your idea of emotional availability doesn’t match theirs by month 3? Outta there. It ain’t gonna change.

And as to your other question about whether more accomplished career guys seem to be less emotionally available?

Well, there are plenty of really successful guys who are also emotionally available.

But, let’s be honest…many guys who have been single forever, and have focused a ton on their careers, are well, just a tad bit distant. Just think of the time alone- success usually means much less personal time.

They’ve chosen a priority and love wasn’t it.

So, even if they really want to be present, they haven’t had much practice and those habits can be hard to break.

Stay tuned. More next time on how to assess a person’s emotional availability!

Well, readers what’s your take on Lisa’s questions here? Would love to hear!

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