Dr. Jenn,
So, I’ve been thinking about everything, and I think I just figured out the best dating steps to take.
1. First, find someone where there is mutual interest in each other. And mutual interests that might be shared. And common values. And ultimately looking for the same sort of relationship.
2. Then meet for coffee or dinner, to see if there is any in-person chemistry.And then most people go from here to physical intimacy.
This is where I have been failing, I think!
3. The next step would be to see if you can develop a true friendship with this person, complete with a bit of flirting of course to keep that chemistry alive, but at bay.
A friendship filled with MANY assorted shared activities. And once you have found many activities (OTHER than sex) that you enjoy doing together...and you STILL really thoroughly enjoy each other's company...
4. THEN, and only then, will you be ready to become more intimate. And to begin sharing quiet nights together at home in front of the TV watching a movie or whatever. Those things that tend to lead to romantic involvement.
Yep, THIS IS MY PLAN.
And I think that I can continue to "juggle" up to step 4. Or, maybe sometime during step 3, we would decide to become mutually exclusive.
Lisa
*************
Lisa,
So great for you! So nice when it finally all comes together and makes sense to you.
I am in total and complete agreement. I think you hit the nail on the head- that a viable, long-term romance is truly sustained by friendship!
Since most people zoom into bed, they never discover if they can be good friends, till after they tumble out of bed into the real world.
By postponing the more intimate parts of getting to know each other, you are actually giving yourselves time to truly bond on what matters- WHO you are- NOT how great in bed you might be.
Then, when you finally choose to become sexually involved, you really have built up a lovely anticipation, a greater desire, and a chemistry that’s based on more than the superficial aspects.
All of that translates into some seriously hot sparks in the bedroom.
The bonus of all of that:
It will be so much more than sweaty bodies- it will be about giving the gift of WHO you are to each other- something you can never do when you jump into bed too soon.
At that point- it’s so much more meaningful, making it so much more memorable! And usually, so much more pleasurable!
I’m glad this piece of the puzzle finally fits just right for you. I’m looking forward to seeing how this new game plan pans out for you!
Dr. Jenn
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I know someone who had a game plan that obviously worked because she married the guy in August this year.
Basically she sat down and was totally honest with herself about who she was, what she liked and what she was looking for in a guy (serious stuff as opposed to looks like George Clooney).
She then put her ad on a dating site and filtered the responses against the criteria she had set down for what she was looking for.
She short listed 3 guys for a dinner date then picked one of those to carry on dating.
When she told me I thought it sounded more like a job application than a romantic process. That said it worked for her.
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