Tuesday, November 18, 2008

When to Move On?: Use the Body as a Compass


Obviously that's one of the most important questions in dating, huh!

How do I decide when there is just too much to deal with in a particular relationship and thus make the decision to move on and look elsewhere?

And of course, as in most of life's greatest mysteries, there is no simple answer!

When we get stuck in our heads, it becomes about he's this and he’s not that. He's got 13 out of 20 versus 19 out of 20 qualities I'm looking for... We can go round and round, trying to figure out “what’s right.”

But there is a simple beacon you can tune into to get pretty clear guidance: Your heart and Your Gut.

Because in the end, it's more about how you feel with a person in your life.

As a general rule, in a newly developing relationship, you should be feeling good at least 85% of the time.

There can be some bumps and bruises along the way as you learn to accommodate each other, but overall, you should feel GREAT when you are with this person AND when you THINK about this person.

You don’t need to overanalyze it either. You just check in with your heart and your gut.

6 Steps to Learning to Listen to Your Heart and Gut

1. At a calm and private time, sit down, close your eyes, and let your mind chatter quiet down.

2. Once your thoughts are mostly still, with eyes still closed, bring an image of your partner to mind. Just a general image of them.

3. Then, notice, where in your body is your attention drawn? What do you notice in your heart area? What sensations do you feel in the stomach region?

Stay with it for a moment and really get clear about what you notice.

4. Then ask a question: Is this person the right one for me? And again, notice your body’s response.

Do you feel lightness, expansion, peace, warmth? Or is there tightness, coolness, constriction, or nervousness?

5. Keep tuning into your heart and stomach areas, and just be open to the message your body has to share with you.

6. Then act on the message your body has for you!

It’s been waiting along time to share this information with you.

Remember, the head can play all sorts of gymnastic games, trying to convince us that something is right.

But the body never lies.

Start practicing tuning into your body.

Try it with work issues, family spats, friendship situations. Any dilemma that crops up. And soon, it will become second nature.

Your body (not your mind), is your soul’s compass.

And with it’s guidance- you will never be steered wrong.

You’ll always know what’s truly right for you.

What signs does your body give you when someone isn't right for you?

Please share!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Moving On

Well, I've been super busy, with a brand new job starting soon and a move to be closer to that location. Exciting times.

So dating's been on the back burner for a bit.

I thought it was going well with the guy I was dating, but with all of these other things on my mind, it gave me some space to really check in and see how I felt.

And it seems like it feels right to take a break from him.

I'm having trouble getting past a certain medical condition he has which would affect how we relate and the fact that he's the sole caregiver of a teenage son! I see now how that could put a great deal of stress on a budding relationship.

I feel like I am fully ready to accept quite a lot in relationship.......but not THAT much, right from the start. Of course, it would be different I suppose if it were someone I had become really fond of, attached to, and in love with...

But since it was not to that stage, it seems best to cut it off for now.

So.....I guess it is back to the drawing board for me.

A question: As a single person who is dating, how do I decide when there is just too much to deal with in a particular relationship and thus make the decision to move on and look elsewhere?