Friday, March 20, 2009

What to Do When What You DON'T Want Keeps Showing Up!

Dear Dr. Jenn,

Help!!! I feel like I am in a juggling rut.

Rather than juggling with good potential guys, if feels like I am looking for the one with the least flaws, and something seems wrong about this.

I am more confused than ever about men and dating.

I have about 7 guys who are interested, so there is no real shortage I guess, just lots of confusion on my part, in that none of them seem to be right enough, for all sorts of different reason.

I absolutely LOVE the communications I share with one guy, but he’s halfway across the country! We have a lot in common in creating things, and the way we see life, and I absolutely love his emails.

What to do, what to do. Just continue I guess, until one feels very, very right. Right?



I’d like to ask you: What is it that’s making you more confused than ever?

You know What You Want- and what is right in front of you isn’t What You Want, right?

But, having what you Don’t Want in front of you, makes it even clearer- What You Do Want!!

That is it’s gift! More clarity!

Where you are at right now- is where people tend to get supremely frustrated and give up.

They think: “I’m trying this Law of Attraction thing, I’m trying to focus on What I Want- and still what I Don’t Want keeps showing up!”

And they start to think this whole Law of Attraction thing- Like Attracting Like- simply doesn’t work.

And, that’s where the confusion comes in.

Because a lot of folks who have learned about the Law of Attraction, have NOT learned about it’s best friend, the Law of Opposites.

The two always work in Tandem.

The Law of Opposites says once you get very clear on What You Want- all of it’s opposites will show up.

Yes, that’s right- when you clearly call in What You Want- the first thing that will happen is more of What You Don’t Want will arrive in your life!!!


Stay with me here, because this is very important.

If you already were, right now, in total harmony with What You Want- it WOULD be in your life, NOW.

So, to get to where your vibration IS in full alignment with your Desire- what would have to happen?

Everything that was NOT in proper vibration would have to be brought up, so you could look at it, heal it, and release it.

This process would be the gift that offers you the opportunity to get into fuller alignment with your desire- Love.

That’s why Everything You Don’t Want shows up- so you can clear and release the patterns that no longer serve you.

And honestly, that can take some time, since most of us need time to truly let go and develop a new, more positive habit.

I love the way Neale Donald Walsch talks about this in his book Happier than God- he says that people have it backwards. They get all depressed and angry when What They Don’t Want shows up. Because they think it means they aren’t getting closer to What They Want. And then they go and ruin their positive vibration by focusing on all that is “Wrong”.

But the opposite is true! He states that when everything opposite shows up it's actually a great sign that What You Want is just around the corner!

But, only IF you stay SUPER CLEAR on What You Want- rather than get distracted by everything around you that You Don’t Want.

Make sense?

So right now, you are simply being called to remain steadfast and clear- and about What You Do Want.

There is no need for confusion or worry- It’s simply an invitation to stay absolutely crystal clear about what you DO WANT! That is all that is needed right now!

Just keep Holding the Vision and every day, many times a day if necessary, Refocus on What You WANT!

You are right, don't bother with the men who don't feel right.

Just take a pass on them. Once you know it isn’t a good fit- you don’t have to juggle them- just keep moving on.

Kinda like this.

- David shows up who has sleep apnea and you aren’t attracted to him.
“Thank you Universe for sending me David- to highlight what I do what. Here’s what I do want: A healthy guy I am wonderfully attracted to.” Spend a moment feeling the happiness of THAT guy in your life.

- Terry shows up who is horribly messy and very overweight.
“Thank you Universe for sending me Terry. Here’s what I do want: An organized guy who’s committed to doing whatever it takes to remain happy and healthy so we can grow old together.” Spend a moment feeling the happiness of THAT guy in your life.

- Chuck shows up who seems VERY complicated and very serious about life, and very perfectionist.
“Thank you Universe for sending me Chuck. Here’s what I do want: A guy who’s easy going and we share comfortable, fun-loving laughter together.” Spend a moment feeling the happiness of THAT guy in your life.

The idea is to take what the situation has shown to you is What You Don’t Want- and use it to immediately reaffirm What You Do Want!

Spend no more time on focusing on what isn’t right. Let it go and keep your attention on Your Gorgeous Vision of Love.

The key is to stay positively patient, yet proactive at the same time. I know you can do it!

Readers: How has the arrival of What You Don't Want actually helped you achieve what You Do Want?? Please share!


Rose Vanden Eynden said...

What an incredible post! Thank you so much for explaining this in very clear terms! I try so hard to explain this to people, and your post makes it so easy to understand! I'll be directing a bunch of people to you today!

Many blessings to you and yours!

Coach T.I.A - Coaching You to Take Inspired Action! said...

OH MY GOD!! I never would have thought about that!! I feel like you just hit a hammer on my head (a soft one) and I'm gobsmacked!

Because I am VERY clear on what I want and have noticed the opposite showing up.. oooooo! So I'm close ay, I LIKE THIS!

I know I'm 95% ready and that's probly why I'm attracting what I don't want cos boy am I letting it go asap too.

Thanks for this brilliant article Jen. It makes SO much sense. I'm super excited about releasing old vibes and suchlike so I can get to 100% yay!

Dr. Jenn said...

Coach T.I.A.-

So glad to whack you over the head! ;) Gently.

It IS exciting, when you can look at it this way- isn't it!?!!

All it takes is a 180 degree turn around on HOW you see it- and wow- now you know you're SO close!!!

That's worth celebrating- because it sounds like YOU, my friend, are about to burst through your previous resistance and arrive right where you want to be!


Hold the Vision- I'll be seeing you there!

Dr. Jenn

Dr. Jenn said...

Hi Rose- so glad you found the post helpful! Very grateful for anyone you send over! :)

The Law of Opposites seems to be so counter-intuitive that it can take a while to sink in!

But boy, when you can grab it and run- watch out- life's a'changing!

Glad you are helping people see the Light!

Be blessed!
Dr. Jenn

Candy said...

This was so insightful to read!!
I am a struggling artist and I was presented with what I thought was finally going to be my "opportunity" and then the directors pulled out. Later I kept hearing it probably was not the best project for me to work on. But after I got upset and mad, it made me all the more focused on what I DO want and realigning my plan to get there.
I also keep writing it down everyday, over and over reminding myself of and the universe of where I wanna go.

Dr. Jenn said...

Hi Candy- thanks for your note!

I know it's hard when something you think you want slips out of your grasp!

I do like what you kept hearing though (probably not the right project for you)! One of the things I like to fall back on when it doesn't look good to me (because I can't see the biggest picture) is: Everything is unfolding exactly the way it should be!

If we can try to embrace that and leave behind our made up stories about the situation, peace comes so much more quickly!

I suggest it's time you dropped the "struggling" part from the "I am a struggling Artist!" :)

One of my favorite related mantras is: It's easy, effortless, and fun!!!

Try living from that place and watch the perfect opportunities come floating into your life!

You will get to where you want to go- without the struggle!

Best wishes!
Dr. Jenn

NYCgal said...

So strange I was just thinking of this principle but applying it to other things in life. My sisters insurance got cancelled and I was sooo upset, but it turned out there was a better quote from company! So I thought - lets apply life in this way, when things dont go so great ~a better scenario is about to follow suit. Especially when it comes to finding the man of my dreams - I am 39 and I have not given up - I will find him!! =)

Dr. Jenn said...


Thanks for stopping by and good for you for applying this oh-so-pivotal concept! It can change your life!

He is out there and you will find him!

As hard as it can be to expect a better outcome to arrive from something not so great- it's the key to smooth sailing to happiness.

For example- my husband's ex-wife cheated on him- seeming devestation right? Well, not actually- it opened the door for soulmate love in finding me.

Or, I know some folks who recently lost their home- but the one they are living in now is heads and tails above what they had with tons more room for their horses.

So KNOW that even if we can't see the bigger picture right now, the Universe is busy working it's magic on our behalf- simply hold the course and expect a miracle!

Be the magic and the magic will come to you!!