Wednesday, January 14, 2009

True Test: Loving 'Who You Are' with Your Partner

Dr. Jenn

"Over- enthusiasm right from the beginning" is a good way to describe how I felt about the Danny adventure.

It was quite flattering at first, as most guys seem under-enthused, but I also kept thinking that he must not have dated much since he seemed to be jumping to conclusions that clearly were premature.

One good lesson for me, from the Danny experience, is that it clearly DOES take time to get to know another person. I do hope that he learned that lesson as well.

Another thing I’ve discovered is that more and more I see all men as the SAME man, really as mere reflections of me.

With the only difference being that each "male body" holds up a slightly different type of mirror, so that how I see them (in the mirror) is just a slightly different reflection of myself.

Some bring out my funny side, some bring out my angry side, some bring out my logical side, some bring out my spiritual side, etc And some are more comfortable to be with than others. I guess, at this stage of my life, I am looking for comfort, among other things.




I agree that a major gift of this experience was learning that while being overenthusiastic and throwing your self into the moment can feel good on both sides- it really does mask the obvious- that you don’t even know each other!

Thankfully- you were able to keep the bigger picture in mind here and not join Danny too much in creating a fantasy world before creating the reality!

So much can change so soon in the early stages- that the joy is in the discovery- not trying to fast forward to a glorified, imagined future.

I also love that juggling is also allowing you to discover the gift of the Interpersonal Mirror. It is true that relationships act as mirrors shining back to us parts of ourselves.

Some partnerships highlight what we most enjoy about ourselves, while others bring out our worst. There is something to be learned from all of them!

But in the end, it does seem to me that the kind of love that lasts a lifetime comes when, in the mirror of our partner, we become our Best Selves.

When through our interaction, the highest parts of ourselves are encouraged to come out and play together.

It seems to me that great love allows us to fall back in love with ourselves, because we simply love WHO WE ARE with our partner.

Great love happens when the “me” who shows up around our partner is the person we’ve been trying to coax out into the sunshine all of these years, allowing her to glow in all of her natural radiance- rather than to hide in the shadows.

And there always will be shadows that show up in that mirror- but when they come out in this type of loving partnership- when they are seen with loving acceptance in the light of day- shifting them, releasing them, becomes so much easier.

This then, loving Who You Are with your partner, becomes a great barometer of whether someone is a great partner for you!

This is a gift my own husband offers to me every day. And it's a beautiful gift of a lesson on your dating journey!

Dr. Jenn

No comments: