Monday, January 12, 2009

Can you Gracefully Let Go, Like an Autumn Tree?

Hi Dr. Jenn,

Well, it looks like Danny is "off" my list of possibilities.

After I had to remind him, for the third time that I don't know him well enough yet to become exclusive, I finally had to tell him that I was still talking to other guys and that I even met another guy in person.

He finally "got it" I think, and is feeling very hurt by it. Sounds like he is feeling “burned” even though I was honest with him the whole time. He’s not interested in communicating further.

I feel okay with his decision. It's just a plain fact to me that I am not and was not ready to commit to an exclusive relationship with Danny. Perhaps this is what you meant when you said it only works for so long, when one of the parties is being exclusive, and the other is not.

Since I was following my heart, and staying true to my feelings, this outcome is perfectly fine for me. It just tells me that Danny is not the right match for me.

I guess that he was "trusting" that I was being exclusive with him, even though I politely let him know all along that this was not yet the case. Oh well.

I don't yet know Terry as well as I thought I knew Danny, but with Terry things are moving in VERY good directions. We laugh soooo much. I'm excited!




I am so loving that you are seeing this situation with such clear perspective. Granted, it’s always easier to let one go, when you are excited about another one!

But still- you are so right on when you say “It just tells me that Danny is not the right match for me.”

So often people struggle right at this moment, when instead, they can just relax into the only reality that matters- the other person just wasn’t right for them.

Any time a relationship falls apart- it happens for only one real reason: It simply wasn’t meant to be. There is no point fighting that fact. That's a tiring, futile battle!

When you can fully grasp that truth- letting go comes naturally.

I liken it to the Tree of Love:

- Most partners come as leaves- for a short time, to bring a lesson, then depart.
- A small number come as branches- for a longer time, adding more substantial meaning to our lives.
- But only a tiny handful in our entire lives will ever be true trunks- people with whom we are meant to build a life with.

Danny was clearly a leaf- and just as the tree gracefully allows the leaf to drop away in the Fall, we can do the same- gently allowing nature to take it’s course.

And just as we can imagine the Tree saying, “Hey- it was so nice having you- I’m so glad we got to spend time together. I wish you the best,” we can part in appreciation.

That appreciation is easiest to grasp when we can clearly identify the lessons, the gifts, we were brought together to bestow upon each other.

Stepping into gratitude for those gifts is the best way to ensure that next time around, we attract an even better match!

So- what were the lessons, the gifts, that you and Danny offered each other?

Dr. Jenn


Kim Falconer said...

Thank you Dr. Jenn for showing this dialog between you and your client! It really gives me a feeling for the flow, insight and trust experienced in talking these things out.

It's wonderful!

:) Kim

Dr. Jenn said...

I'm glad you find value in following along!

I hope the blogs gives singles a much clearer sense of how dating coaching works from the inside out!

That's our goal! :)