Hi Dr. Jenn,
So, I met the new guy, Terry, at a coffee shop and he is very kind and sweet too, like Danny. They even look a bit alike!
Terry and I laughed through the whole meeting, sharing similar childhood memories. I gave him a nice hug at the end of our meeting and he said he was hoping for that, so I think I will be seeing him again.
He called a couple of days later and we did a LOT of laughing on the phone. He seems to bring out the funny bone in me. And we scheduled a second date.
So, I guess I am officially "juggling." I have to keep reminding myself that I don't need to choose between these two just yet and that I can even add others to the mix, if that happens.
And it doesn't matter to me if they are juggling me too. Even if they tell me they are not, I am not allowing that to cause me to feel guilty.
Of course if it comes up, I will be honest and explain my dating plan. As I see it, until I decide to be exclusive with any guy, it doesn't matter what they decide. And there won't be any notion of becoming intimate until we DO both decide to be exclusive.
And right now, I have no clue who that could be with, but when it happens it will be with a guy I have taken the time to get to know.
I think I could learn to like this juggling stage : )
BTW, I am still a little baffled about how soon to share how much with a guy. Danny has offered several times to come over and help me to unpack, but I have explained to him that that would be too intimate at this stage of relationship for me and I know better than to invite a man over for any extended period too soon, especially to help me rummage through my things.
Besides, he would see the stack of printed out profiles sitting next to my computer! lol
That’s a great feeling isn’t it? Having two wonderful prospects- imagine all the positive possibilities!
All of that laughter with Terry is a very good sign indeed. Getting each other’s sense of humor so early on is always a good sign of compatibility. After all, eventually, you want your life together to be filled with fun!
And sure, in the “getting to know you, friendly stage” there is never any need to choose. Choosing happens gradually over time as you get to know people and it becomes clear who your feelings are growing for, who you want to spend more time with, above anyone else.
Usually, it happens naturally, and the choice makes itself clear!
And as you mention, it’s important that the choice for exclusivity is mutual. If it’s not mutual, then neither of you should go down that path alone, at least for very long!
I can tell you are getting clearer and clearer about how you want the process of dating to work for you. You are getting to the point of standing in your truth- even if others do not always agree!
Life needs to be about what is for your Highest Good, first, rather than changing it based on what every new person thinks or wants. That is an empowering place to be! Yea!
I also like that you’ve resisted the urge to get some manly help unpacking! That is pretty intimate for after 1 or 2 dates.
You want your new home to be a haven, so inviting someone in so soon, before you’ve created your sacred space, could spell trouble.
You want that space to be all yours, rather than creating memories of it that include someone else. Memories that stick around a long time after you figure out that the someone isn’t right for you!
Inching forward, date by date, embracing with curiosity, the natural unfolding of budding attraction. It’s an adventure!