Watching the Flower Unfurl

Dr. Jenn,

The date with Terry was low key, and nice enough, but I just don't feel a connection with him. Not enough in common perhaps??? He jokes a lot and we laugh, but he is overweight and kinda sluggish and slow. We have another "date" set, but I am feeling a desire to cancel it. My heart is DEFINITELY being stolen by Danny, who I am going out with again soon.

This will be our sixth or seventh date I believe. The other night he came to get me and we went shopping together. We had a GREAT time. We like all the same sorts of things. When he dropped me off here, we did some meditating together and our combined energies is amazing.

He is still very much focused ONLY on me. I am feeling I WANT to be focused only on him, but haven't told him so as yet. Even though I feel like I could easily do so, I am holding back on how much of myself I share with him.

I’m being VERY aware of how part of me thinks I ought to jump right in and share EVERYthing. Though there is another part of me, the new, wiser part, that tells me it is okay, at this stage, to not tell him everything. Maybe it is even okay at EVERY stage to not tell the person you are with everything.

I can see now, that in my past, I was likely way too open way too soon. I do like though, how open Danny is with me. And he feels like I am the best thing that ever happened to him. And that makes me smile.

So, I am VERY tempted to put all of my eggs in the Danny basket for a time, to see where it goes. Not quite there yet, but sure am moving in that direction. I suspect that when the time is right, I will feel it very strongly, and it will then be very easy to let the other guys know I am no longer available. Right?

I think the fact that I have no desire to be reading new profiles online just now, tells me SOMEthing. Part of me wants to fully and totally relax into this one relationship and see where it takes us.

Based on past dating experiences, I am finding I am a bit afraid to go there so I need to take it slow and allow any relationship a chance to grow on it's own if it does. I find that I am needing to get out of the way and allow it to be what it will and be okay with whatever that is.

Lisa

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Lisa,

It sounds like things with Danny are moving in the right direction- that is how juggling ends- you just one day feel like that is the ONE person you most want to spend time with. The others melt away from importance.

So, I really like that you are taking your time getting there, just noticing each little step along that route- rather than jumping right in.

There is so much to learn about yourself when you slow down and take note!
And you are doing such a great job doing that!

I love how you are noticing what you want to do, what you would normally do- but how you are now able to decide what you will do. That’s the difference between knee jerk reacting, and it’s better cousin, responding, based on what’s best for your own Highest Good.

While opening yourself all up at once can feel good in the moment, it creates a pseudo-closeness that isn’t real yet. You think you really know someone, but knowing someone is about seeing how they are over time, in different situations, not just what they “tell you.”

I love this that you said: “I need to take it slow and allow any relationship a chance to grow on it's own if it does. I find that I am needing to get out of the way and allow it to be what it will and be okay with whatever that is.”

That’s true wisdom, right there!

Taking your time, discovering each new layer, exploring the next level of deepness and savoring the experience the whole way, allowing it to be what it is, not what you want it to be- that’s the healthy way to grow a great love.

It's like watching and allowing a flower to slowly unfurl, each petal at a time, opening to see the light, not needing it to be anything other than just what nature intends.

And I think your bit of fear about “wanting to fully and totally relax into this one relationship and see where it takes us” is normal. It comes from knowing that when you rushed in, in the past, it didn’t always have a positive outcome. It’s a sign that yes, it’s not quite yet time.

The time will be right when that little fear melts away, because you’ve seen enough of Danny, over time, to have the yellow lights turn into a bright green, glowing light, beckoning your heart forward.

Then committing to this one developing relationship, and relaxing into it, allowing it to evolve ever more deeply, will be the most natural thing in the world.

And most rewarding, because you will know you’ve followed your heart, without losing your head!

Enjoying the unfolding of this journey with you,

Dr. Jenn