Thursday, April 23, 2009

Weeding Out Men: The Thoughtfulness Quotient


Dr. Jenn,

About two months ago I was talking to about seven guys, and this includes emailing and phone conversations. Since then I have met three of those guys and Rick is the guy at the top of the list.

Rick already had several bonus points for calling to check up on me both before and after I was going in for surgery two weeks ago, and he apparently really cared and wanted to know how I was doing. I was quite touched by this.

Two other guys I was talking to around that time- who also knew about my pending surgery- did not even ask about it, but rather just talked about THEIR stuff, including distant relatives.

I was facing some potentially scary news, and I really appreciated Rick's concern and thoughtfulness, even though we had not met in person. Rick has a WONDERFUL sense of humor and we always find great things to talk about and funny stories to tell, and our conversations seem very balanced.

We finally met on Friday night! It was warm and friendly and we plan to see each other again soon.

I like that Rick's kids are both married and on their own and doing well, like mine. And I also like that he has a great little dog and that he relates well to dogs. And I LOVE his sense of humor, and his obvious caring personality.

Yep, this one has potential!! I’ll keep you in the loop!

Lisa
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Hi Lisa!

While having the surgery was no walk in the park- it certainly gave you the opportunity to see how the men would behave when you could use some support! Bonus!

Sounds like Rick passed with flying colors!

It’s never too early to treat each other with thoughtful kindness, empathy, and respect. I call this the Thoughtfulness Quotient- and you can usually feel this right away with a person!

And when you get Rick’s kind of treatment, right out of the gate- BEFORE even meeting, well that tells you volumes about the kind of person he is, doesn’t it?!

The fact that the others basically ignored it in a somewhat selfish manner- also reflects what they would probably be like to be around later on. Rightly so- those are BIG RED FLAGS.

And these are the kind of things you really want to see about a person early on- it can save you lots of heartache!

But when someone makes you feel seen, heard, and cared about- even at the beginning- you know you are on the right track!

I look forward to hearing more about Rick!

Dr. Jenn

2 comments:

Browolf said...

Its amazing how many women there are trying to make something work with blatantly thoughtless guys. So I have seen on dating forums. One wonders what's going on in their heads.

Dr. Jenn said...

Browolf- I agree- it's a sad state of affairs- women come to expect being treated less than swell, mostly from childhood issues- and then they never learn to walk away from poor treatment.

We all deserve an amazing love and should never, ever settle for less than someone who totally adores us and respects us accordingly!

Power on!